If the doctors don't know how can I?

I'm getting more and more confused after each doctors appointment. Today was agonising, in fact the last week or two have been agonising as my canberra specialist said that this appointment we will scan my right eye and see how quickly the cornea is degenerating.

This blog was meant to be about concentrating on gaining sight from my graft in my left eye, yet my life's focus has now shifted to the fear of losing vision in my right eye before the graft heals.

I got the scan and asked the doctor for the results. He said 'the cornea is about the same as this time last year'. sigh. He was meant to compare today's scan to the scan from a month ago, not a year ago. When I called my dad to talk about the appointment it hit me 'how could my cornea be about the same as a year ago, when last month it was really bad?'. This doesn't make sense.

Then I was hit with another bombshell. The Sydney hospital hadn't written a letter to my Canberra doctor so he didn't know what kind of cornea graft I had and had been basing his prognosis on a partial thickness graft, not a full thickness graft. I had noticed that the Sydney doctor was telling me that I could have the first lot of stitches removed (and the first chance of regaining sight) in six months time, but the letter the Canberra doctor wrote to work said that I could have stitches removed in 3-4 months time. Woah! Heaps awesome! Loving these results. So I queried the Canberra doctor and he asked what type of graft I had, when I said full-thickness he advised me that I have to wait at least 12 months before any stitches can be removed.

I can't even comprehend all this. What is happening to my life? How long is this going to affect me? Living with the pain and discomfort every day is so debilitating. I need to know what to expect and how my outlook looks.

Am I ever going to be at peace with this?

Miss Nat

xoxo